Deferral: A Meditation

Don't actually. 

Ladies and Gentlemen have you ever given thought to the word ‘deferral?’ I am not sure why, but this morning when I awoke from my twisted bed sheets after a bothered sleep, this word was stuck in my mind. It was hanging there by the threads of memory like the last beer you drank before you shuffled off into dreamland or the final uncomfortable statement one says before he leaves a boozy party. There it was to greet me as I awoke. 

“Why is this the thought that I am given when I awake?” I said to myself. I actually did. Yes, I do often speak in asides.

It was random. Rather absurd. Let’s investigate it. 

During my many years wasting my time in the forests of Mississauga, this word had negative connotation. One filed ‘a deferral’ if they wanted to stop their education and galavant off into the world to sow their seeds. It was an unfocused word. One that meant this person was flighty and could not be relied upon. I had many contacts with this sort of unfocused Forestian. They were always laying about playing Guitar Hero or wasting my time with idle chatter about this style of music or that style of comedy. 

I was forced to defer my life to play lip service to who ever was discussing idle ideas to defer their next action. 

As I grew older and left the forests of the kingdom of Hazel McCallion, this word began to take on a different meaning.  It was now largely positive. It meant that I could relax and catch up with my thoughts again. I could grasp the terror of my life without the safety net of school and again feel free. It is important always to defer the stresses of the world and collect your thoughts. If you don’t, you are likely to fall pray to stress demons. 

Another use of the word ‘defer’ is supplication or the ‘Royal pass off’ of responsibility to another. This is both negative and positive. It could be a ‘pass off’ of responsibility for something you do not wish to deal with.  It could also be used in the sense of passing something you feel you cannot handle to someone who can. Shared responsibilities or ‘help,’ is kind of deferral.

Help is something I have often had trouble allowing myself to ask for. I often motor ahead and attempt to take the world on my concave, out of shape shoulders, only to crumble under the weight of the abstract burdens of life. I do mean to correct this, by asking for help once a week, but that is a different post. 

Deferral. Root: Defer. Origin from the Latin: defferre meaning literally ‘to bear down.’ ‘To bear down.‘ That is important to repeat. ‘To bear down.‘ It is a tactic. A verb. It is ultimately a strategy to handle stress. Perhaps, it is that very use that spurred on  my early morning thought. Perhaps ‘I must bear down,’ but I defer to the future for any concrete reason for this meditation. 

My Ho-Hum Return

A Recent Picture of Me at my New Job. 

Ladies and Gentleman you may have noticed a decided decrease in my blog postings of recent. You may recall, in the beginning of this journey down punditry corridors, when I managed a post every day. There is a simple reason for this sudden decrease; after my graduation, which I am told occurred sometime in November, my life fell to shambles. I was not able to hold a job (with no small fault being my own and this blog) and was not even able to attend my own commencement as I could not afford the ticket. I am sure I missed nothing but an accepted right of passage which I have no doubt holds little importance after you traverse the hardwood stage to receive a piece of paper that gets you nothing but a Part-time job and years of mortgage sized debt. 

Self immolation of last month's woes put aside, I now proclaim my return to blogging. I am not sure what I will write now as life continues to be tough though there is some light at the end the tunnel. Perhaps, I’ll continue with my talk about actors. Frankly I got bored of that. Perhaps more political calls to arms, like the post about Jack Layton. Perhaps, more artistic discussions, which are often ill informed and preachy. Perhaps, more banal proclamation like the posting about my hat which I have stopped wearing for no known reason other then fact my relationship with the article has grown tenuous at best. Perhaps.... I don’t know. 

We both shall see where this further writing takes me. I am excited to see what shall poor out of me now especially since physically, financially and mentally, I am a mess. Stay tuned...motherfuckers. (My journey to Django Unchained still hasn’t warn off.)